There’s a distinction Brené Brown makes that I haven’t been able to shake: fitting in and belonging are not the same thing. In fact, she argues they’re opposites.
Fitting in means you change yourself to meet the expectations of the group. Belonging means the group accepts you exactly as you are. One asks you to shrink. The other invites you to expand.
In our Friday meeting, Julie brought this up for conversation as we explored an element of belonging. We were talking about hospitality and how it shows up in our community. Suddenly, it hit me: most spaces, whether workplaces, clubs, or coworking environments, are built for fitting in. They’re designed for a certain type of person (a persona, as we call it in marketing), a certain size of business (our ideal customer), a certain way of operating (our policies and procedures). And everyone else quietly adjusts.
That’s not community. That’s conformity with better lighting.
What “fitting in” looks like in a workspace
A coworking space built for fitting in would have a clear mold. Tech startups. Freelancers in digital services. People who talk about growth hacking and quarterly OKRs. The space would optimize for them, the events, the programming, the vibe, and everyone else would either adapt or quietly not renew.
Most spaces don’t intend to do this. It happens by default. When you build for the average, you exclude everyone who isn’t.
What belonging actually looks like
At The Village Workspace, we have Bryan. He’s a shaman. He works with people to help them process and heal from past trauma, reduce anxiety and depression, reframe how you people see their life. His clients come to him looking for something no business coach, or IT consultant can offer. His work is deeply personal, deeply intentional, and unlike anything else happening in our building. His office has a beautiful calming look and even smell to it.
Down the hall is Kathleen. She’s a fabulous Tax & Accounting Advisor (ours actually) who’s been doing taxes and financial consulting for decades, and right now, her biggest obsession is figuring out how to bring AI tools into her practice. She’s curious, technical, and wants to nerd out on reports, business growth strategies, and automation with anyone who will engage.
Then there’s Larissa. She runs a Brazilian marketplace, think a busy, vibrant bodega-style setup, and she’s working to figure out how a high-energy, community-centered retail model can coexist within a coworking environment. She’s not trying to be a startup. She’s trying to build something rooted in her culture and serve her community.
Bryan. Kathleen. Larissa.
Three people whose businesses have almost nothing in common. Three sets of needs that look completely different. Three definitions of “support” that require us to think differently every single time.
This is exactly the kind of diversity we love. And we work every day to make sure each of them doesn’t just tolerate being here, they genuinely feel like they belong.
Why this is harder than it sounds
Creating belonging requires intention. It’s not enough to say “everyone is welcome.” Welcome is passive. Belonging is active.
It means asking Bryan what his clients need when they visit, and making sure the common areas feel calm and safe, not chaotic. It means connecting Kathleen with members who are equally excited about financials, business growth and event AI instead of leaving her to find her people on her own. It means brainstorming with Larissa about how to make her marketplace feel like a destination within our space, not a hidden oddity.
It means being genuinely curious about each person’s uniqueness rather than fitting them into a template.
The temptation, especially as you scale, is to standardize. To create systems that work for the majority and hope the outliers adapt to “fit in.” But the outliers are often where the most interesting things happen. They attract people you’d never reach otherwise. They push you to think differently. They’re the ones who make your community feel like an actual community.
What this means for you
If you lead a team, run a business, or build a community of any kind, here’s the question worth sitting with: are you creating conditions for belonging, or conditions for fitting in?
Fitting in is easier to manage. Belonging is harder to build, but infinitely more valuable, for your people and your organization.
Brown puts it plainly: “Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it.”
The hollow substitute is everywhere. The real thing is rare.
We’re trying to build the real thing at The Village. Not perfectly, and not without effort, but with intention.
Because a shaman and a CPA and a Brazilian marketplace owner all walking the same halls, all feeling genuinely supported in what makes them uniquely them… that’s community.
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Gina Schreck is the founder of The Village Workspace, a coworking and wellness community in Centennial, CO.